Honesty Without Empathy is Brutality. (How to be Correct)

I heard something one of my favorite podcasts that stuck with me. I couldn't stop thinking about all day.

From the Pivot Podcast Episode of September 13.

A loyal listener sends this email to the hosts:

"We write as parents to our beautiful nine year old daughter...who has a common form of dwarfism. We were disappointed in a moment in last week's episode where you referred to Kara as the tallest M in the room. We are sure you are aware that the M word is extremely derogatory.

For some reason, stature seems to be one of the few physical differences where negative comments are still deemed acceptable. You are obviously very intelligent and eloquent person, and there are many other ways you could have made your point without using that expression. As parents, when we hear that word, it's like a punch to the gut, especially when used by someone we respect, we will always advocate for our daughter and we hope you will not use that word moving forward with, we appreciate your time and consideration, and then their, their names."

The gist ofScott's response, as expected from any self-aware person:

"Absolutely, I will stop using the word and I appreciate it, the, the feedback."

But here's the nugget of gold:

The lesson here is there's a difference between being right and being effective, and this email is both.

Again, in order to accurately make your point, you have to be effective.

The email is respectful, civil and it didn't trigger Scott's defense mechanisms (fight-or-flight).

A good mental model for today

In today's discourse, people are not trying to be effective, they are trying to be right. Bulldoze and impose our viewpoints.

I get it, it's easy and perhaps instinctive to just say "fuck you" or something of the sort.

We've somehow have accustomed to believe that just speaking your mind without any regard of how the other person might take the message. Are we circling back to Medieval times?

Honesty without empathy is brutality.